First off, understand that there is no ‘easy way out’ of an unexpected pregnancy. No choice that you make will come without consequences. It is going to be difficult for both your mind and your body no matter what. Please understand that you haven’t ruined your life, you’ve just changed it. Your life will never be the same, but it doesn’t mean it won’t be wonderful. By having that in mind, there are only three options:  abortion, parenting, or adoption.  

Abortion is a very common response to an unexpected pregnancy. Many women who do not feel that they will be a successful parent, or who don’t wish to carry a pregnancy to term, choose abortion. Abortion is a hot button issue in today’s social climate, and everyone has their own personal opinion about the morality of abortion. Some women feel that abortion is a fairly easy choice and have few emotional complications after the procedure. However, many women do struggle with their decision and feel regret down the road. Ultimately, this is a very personal choice that only you can make.

If you don’t feel prepared to be a parent, but you don’t want to have an abortion, adoption may be a good choice for you. As with all choices, there are pros and cons. Placing a child for adoption is a huge loss that creates a lot of grief, we cannot deny it. However, adoption is quite different than it used to be. An expectant mother can choose the family she will place the child with, and if both parties agree, the child can continue to have contact with the birth mother throughout life. Open adoptions don’t offset the grief entirely, but they can provide a lot of healing. Placing your child for adoption could mean that your baby will be raised by parents who are able to provide a very stable life for your child.

If neither of these options sounds appealing to you, your last option is to parent. Parenting can be an incredibly rewarding experience. Just because you didn’t plan your pregnancy, doesn’t mean that you won’t be a great mother, or that parenting isn’t right for you. For many women, raising a child is their greatest happiness. On the other hand, single parenting can be tough. There are a few common issues that come up. Finding affordable childcare while you work to provide for yourself and your child can be difficult. Balancing the roles of a parent and sole breadwinner isn’t easy. There are often issues with the father—sharing custody is hard, especially if you don’t have a positive relationship with him.

Each of these options come with different challenges. There is not a one size fits all answer to what a woman should do when she faces an unexpected pregnancy. In the end, only you can decide what is right for you. It is a hard choice, but you can do it. Trust your gut; you’ll know what to do.

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Becoming single and pregnant at a young age was never my plan. But in hindsight, it’s the best thing that ever happened to me. It changed me into the person I am today, and I’m proud of that. I truly believe that my pregnancy was meant to be.

2. “Unplanned does not mean unwanted or unloved. It just means life knew what I needed before I did.”

A big mistake that many people make is confusing unexpected and unwanted. Simply because I didn’t expect to become pregnant didn’t mean I didn’t love my baby with all my heart. She was just the blessing I needed, even though I didn’t know it at the time.

3. “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” – John Lennon

No one ever thinks “Hey, I think I’m going to get pregnant unexpectedly.” I sure didn’t; I had planned on going to college, getting married, and living a picture-perfect life. My pregnancy changed all that, but my life has been made so much better for it.

4. “A woman experiencing an unplanned pregnancy also deserves to experience unplanned joy.” – Patricia Heaton

Having an unexpected pregnancy doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to live a happy, normal life. Your worth is not made less by the fact that you are pregnant; it makes you even more beautiful and special.

5. “You will come to know that what appears today to be a sacrifice will prove instead to be the greatest investment you will ever make.” 

Making lifestyle changes, sacrificing your body, your emotions, and your time are all big sacrifices. But in the end, when you are holding your beautiful little baby in your arms, it will be worth it.

6. “I’m not telling you it’s going to be easy; I’m telling you it’s going to be worth it.”

Pregnancies are never easy, whether they were planned or not. But creating a life within you is an incredible experience that is worth all the pain in the end.

7. “You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” – A.A. Milne

You’ve got this, mama.

8. “It’s going to be okay.”

This one is from me. If I could do it, so can you. Hold on, don’t give up. You are going to make it.

If you are unexpectedly pregnant, please consider adoption. Visit Adoption.com to view adoption profiles from hopeful adoptive parents. Visit Adoption.com/unplanned-pregnancy to find guidance with your unplanned pregnancy.

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1. Don’t worry what other people think

Some people will judge you. However, most people won’t. You have a choice to either choose to focus on the few people that do judge you, or you can let their comments go. This sounds a lot easier than it is of course, especially if the people that judge you are close friends or family. It’s a skill that you have to practice, and it’s not easy. But learning to ignore what people say about you will be vital to your emotional well-being during your pregnancy and throughout your life.

2. Build a support system

You don’t have to do this alone. Unexpected pregnancy can be a lonely journey, but there is help along the way. If the father is involved, let him be there for you and the baby. Your friends and family probably want to help; they just aren’t sure what to do or say. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. It’s more than likely that they will be happy to do whatever you need.

If you don’t have supportive friends or family, you have other options. For me, much of my support came from my therapist and a support group for single expectant mothers. Search for resources in your area: churches, government agencies, etc. for places with programs that help women facing unexpected pregnancies.

3. Try to enjoy yourself 

My pregnancy was by far the most stressful experience of my life, but sitting around moping wasn’t going to help anything. Pregnancy is still a beautiful thing, even when it’s hard. So write down your pregnancy milestones, get the maternity shoot, all of the things that mothers do. Try to truly enjoy the miracle that your body is creating.

4. Consider all of your options

When faced with an unexpected pregnancy, you have three options: abortion, parenting, and adoption. Carefully consider what will be best for both you and your baby. For me, that meant adoption. I couldn’t bear to abort my baby, but I also wasn’t in a place where I could give her the life she deserved. I found a family for her and now I enjoy an amazing open adoption.

Adoption was the right path for me, but it might not be for you. There is no one-size-fits-all answer. As long as your decision is made out of love and in the best interest of your baby, you can’t go wrong. Your mother’s intuition will tell you what to do.

5. Don’t give up

Because of my unexpected pregnancy, I am a stronger, happier person than I was before. It didn’t feel good going through it, but in hindsight, I’m so glad that I did. My baby is now a toddler, and she is thriving. I’m so proud of her and can’t wait to see the amazing things she will grow up to be.

Your unexpected pregnancy didn’t ruin your life; it just changed it. There is always hope and happiness to be had, even in the darkest of situations. Only worry about taking care of you and your baby—nothing else matters. It’s going to be okay. I promise.

If you are unexpectedly pregnant, please consider adoption. Visit Adoption.com to view adoption profiles from hopeful adoptive parents. Visit Adoption.com/unplanned-pregnancy to find guidance with your unplanned pregnancy.

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