My Unexpected Pregnancy Story

Jaime Humenay — Fri, 14 Sep 2018 20:59:15 +0000

I was born in January of 1980.

I was an unexpected pregnancy.

I wasn’t given a name. I was placed for adoption as a Jane Doe. My first foster family called me Virginia. A few months later, my adoptive family named me Jaime, and so I’ve been ever since. Being the product of an unexpected pregnancy challenged me considerably as a youngster. I had all of the usual adopted-kid unanswerable questions. “These people are nice, but why didn’t my real parents want me?” “Did they take one look at me and know I was already fatally flawed and therefore unlovable?” “Why do these people find me worthy of their love?” “Do I really belong here?” “Are my biological parents even looking for me?”

With lots of time, wonderfully supportive parents, and some serious introspection, I was able to grasp the nature of ‘my story’ and understand that life is not as black and white as a child often believes it to be. Everyone did what was best for me, and I was raised in the family I was meant to be raised in. (I did eventually track down my biological family, but that’s a story for another time).

I married my husband in 2011 on a tiny little marina on Amelia Island in Florida. There was no fanfare as he was in the Navy, and we were marrying before he deployed, so he knew he’d have roots here in the States. See, we had planned to host a larger wedding, but my then-fiancée wasn’t able to get the time off of work, so we had to improvise. The elopement covered the legal means. The party we could throw later. After three more attempts to schedule a wedding, it all finally came together in 2012, but the Navy only gave my husband time off because my dad was dying of terminal cancer.

Before I go too much farther into the bittersweet tale, let me flesh out a few details.

At the age of 19, I was diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome). As time went by, things progressed to include endometriosis and fibroids. By the time I was 26, I had one ovary removed because it had become more tumor and cyst than a functional organ. With all of those biological factors against me, I knew that my odds of getting pregnant and having a child through the usual route was rare. (Not to mention it was an oddly foreign concept to me anyway since I had grown up in a family built by adoption rather than one built by biology). So my Plan A for family building from day one was “adoption.”

I know how rare that stance is. Most people exhaust every biological and medical means at their disposal before saying, “I want to adopt to grow my family,” but I’ve always wanted to grow my family through adoption. Now, my husband was raised in a different dynamic. My husband has a large family (three sisters and a brother) who are all biologically from the same parents. You can see the resemblance in family photos, something I never really even thought about as a kid. My parents weren’t my parents because of conception or commonalities. They were my parents because they were the people that committed to me, who loved and stood by me no matter what from the first time they brought me home at 10 months old.

So, needless to say, we butted heads a bit about how far we were willing to take things medically before going the adoption route. I didn’t see the point in spending money on ‘maybe babies’ when we could pursue adoption and get a definite result.

We ended up meeting in the middle. I got off of the hormones I’d been on forever, and—if we didn’t get pregnant in three years—we’d adopt. And we’d adopt older. I can deal with a lot of things, but if we could skip the toilet training/up all night every night phase, I was all about it.

The years passed without a single blip of a baby on the horizon. We started the adoption process. It would take about another three years to be approved for foster care and to decide on aiming for a sibling group, 4-9 years old.

The room was set up for the kids. We’d done a cute little “waiting for you” photo shoot. We were even on the waiting list for a couple kids. But all of them fell through for us…and all while my husband was on deployment. And on top of it, our dog had started to poop in the kid’s room for some weird reason. I took it as a sign and screwed the door shut as if to keep the heartbreak locked away in there. I mourned what felt as though it just wasn’t for us. Here I was, 35 and infertile, and seemingly unable to seal the deal on adoption either.

Then, a few months later, I felt funny. More ‘funny’ than my usually unusual periods made me feel. Since the feeling stuck around, I took a test. My first words upon seeing the positive sign aren’t suitable for this article. But I knew my chances of miscarriage were high. A few weeks passed and the positive signs all stuck around. I couldn’t wrap my head around it. I panicked. I was never SUPPOSED to have a newborn! And a biological kid?! I had JUST found my career as an Olympic weightlifter and a coach. What the heck was I going to do now? My husband was over the moon but wise enough to temper his enthusiasm until I showed some signs of excitement. All I felt for the first trimester was a quiet impending sense of dread.

The pregnancy was healthy. In fact, with my doctor’s blessing, I continued in my sport all the way through my pregnancy and qualified for a national meet while pregnant. I didn’t go to the meet though; I had my daughter 2 weeks beforehand.

That sense of dread turned into a deep seeded sense of responsibility. I now had to keep this little person alive and thriving. But I couldn’t work, so the money wasn’t flowing in (self-employed), and I had enough funds to take two weeks off work before it would severely impact our finances. And it did. Those first two years were very lean. Barely keeping a roof over our heads, we managed. And in those lean years, we found resourcefulness, each other, and a bond that feels familiar—not because it’s made of blood, and not because my daughter looks like me (she doesn’t; she resembles her father nearly completely). Our bond was we choose to be a family, no matter what. My life is one big, unexpected circumstance, from birth to even now. But that doesn’t mean it’s not exactly as it’s supposed to be.

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5 Emotions You’ll Feel in An Unexpected Pregnancy

Samantha Alkire — Fri, 07 Sep 2018 21:16:47 +0000

When facing an unexpected pregnancy, you’re sure to feel a whole range of emotion. In my own unexpected pregnancy, I’m not sure I could even grab on to all the thoughts and feelings associated with what was going on. But, I can identify 5 emotions I believe all people feel in an unexpected pregnancy.

Shock/Surprise

Even though I bought the pregnancy test myself, I still sat there in the bathroom staring at the test stick in shock as if I expected it to dissolve its positive result and I would laugh at my silly worry and go back on with life. The shock doesn’t go away quickly either. This pregnancy was such a surprise to me that at each stage of it, I couldn’t quite believe what was happening. I think it’s perfectly normal to be shocked, and it’s okay to admit that you are when you hadn’t been planning to be pregnant.

Fear

About a second after I felt shock, the fear set in and shook my body. I was afraid to be pregnant, something I had never been before. I was afraid of making an adoption plan when I knew I needed to, that I wouldn’t be able to place my baby in someone else’s arms. I was absolutely terrified when I was diagnosed with preeclampsia, when they had trouble finding a fetal heart rate at 34 weeks, when I was taken into an emergency c-section within an hour of getting to a hospital with a NICU. While my unexpected pregnancy may have had some exceptional circumstances, I think fear is universal when facing any sort of new challenge, journey, or advantage.

Guilt

Getting pregnant doesn’t just affect one person. Because of that, I felt so ridiculously guilty. Guilt for the pressure I was putting on my significant other, guilt that I was feeling shocked and scared, and guilt that I had helped to create a life when I wasn’t ready to take care of said life. I tore myself up with guilt when at that point, choices had been made and consequences to be dealt with. It is only human to feel guilt toward an unexpected pregnancy, but you shouldn’t shoulder it if you can help to resolve it.

Disappointment/Anger

This is an emotion that I feel terrible to admit. I was disappointed and angry at myself for not being more careful and getting pregnant. I was angry that my body was going to change and because of previous choices I had made, I had no control over that. Family members and friends were disappointed in me for my unexpected pregnancy and later adoption plan, and that was a hard thing to deal with as I generally aim to people please. But, it’s okay to admit that you may be disappointed or angry with your unexpected pregnancy.

Acceptance/Happiness

This feeling may take a while, but somewhere within it all, acceptance lies. For some people, they may even become happy with their unexpected pregnancy, excited to bring a new life into the world even if it wasn’t part of their previous plan. I accepted my pregnancy and adoption plan, and looking back, wish that I had accepted it sooner than I did and appreciated the things that pregnancy brings, like baby kicks. Even if you are not feeling this now, I promise you it will come at some point.

I’m no expert at how one should feel or even an expert at unexpected pregnancies, but the feelings I felt during mine I can still identify with clearly to this day. It is important to remember that you are allowed to have feelings, even uncomfortable or unpopular ones, as they are part of the process to deciding how to go about your pregnancy and make huge decisions. While this may be a scary time in your life, don’t be afraid to process your feelings and to take your time deciding your next steps and how to proceed.

If you are unexpectedly pregnant, please consider adoption. Visit Adoption.com to view adoption profiles from hopeful adoptive parents. Visit Adoption.com/unplanned-pregnancy to find guidance with your unplanned pregnancy.

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Stories – Unexpected Pregnancy | Quotes, Options, Stories, Advice, Help

My Unexpected Pregnancy Story

5 Emotions You’ll Feel in An Unexpected Pregnancy